Not Just Your Garden-Variety Neurotic Smartass.


Ok, it’s going to sound weird, but I feel great this morning.

Really great.

I don’t know if it’s all the sleep I got this weekend or if the ECT is finally working or what, but I feel fantastic.

Either way, I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, and I’m going to jump on the treadmill in a few minutes and get moving. This is wonderful.

I feel renewed, alive. I can’t shake a stick at that.

Lightning Crashes.

We had a lightning storm last night that rivaled any alien movie. Lightning was flashing around for hours on end – it was pretty crazy. We have a small amount of water in the basement, but not much.

Unless you count my recent dalliance, which I don’t, and which ended in February, I’ve been single for quite some time; so I’ve sadly been perusing Tinder. I swiped right on a guy that was thirty or something, and since I am 45 (not to be confused with our soon-to-be-impeached president), he asked me whether I had a preference for younger men.

I kind of do.

Men my age tend to worry way too much about their lawns. I’m serious! That seems to be the main hobby of the forties-set. It’s as boring as hell. My life is boring enough without dating Captain Weed And Feed.

Does that seem misandrist? It’s not. I like men. I just don’t like a steady diet of lawn care.

Tinder is admittedly a cesspool, but I live in the real world in which people don’t bump into each other in the grocery store. I probably should start being a little more friendly in bar situations but at that point everyone is drinking, so it’s hard to say who’s acting genuine.

I am a poor socializer, definitely best left in the confines of the phone.

There. I just asked him how his lawn was. Success.

A Jonah Day.

I am having a day. I woke up, the house was a disaster, I started cleaning, and was interrupted my the mail lady with a subpoena. I am being sued by my dentist for non-payment and have to appear in court next month.


I just plain smack can’t afford to pay him, so I’m not sure what they’re going to do there. I’m not in the habit of not paying bills, so I don’t really know what the protocol is for such a situation.

I’m in the process of filing bankruptcy, so hopefully that will have some bearing upon things. I don’t know.

I’m finding that I’m losing my memory a lot lately due to the ECT. (Or maybe I’m just losing my mind.) Little fragments of time are slipping through the cracks – sometimes important ones. I missed my shoulder CT arthrogram yesterday. I forgot to feed the cats. I kept becoming tongue-tied. It’s very weird.

I do feel less heavy, though, if that makes any sense. I feel a bit of levity. I feel slightly buoyant. I can see where this might be going.

I’m grateful for this opportunity to feel ok. So grateful, despite this crap day of cleaning and being sued.

Bye, Asshole.

Looks like Trump is on his way out the door, and I am both excited and worried – excited because I loathe the bastard and worried because Mike Pence is no cakewalk either.

My daughter is transgender. This presents particular strain for our family should he fall into the presidency, as he is a religious whack job, and particularly anti-LGBTQ.

Last I hear, though, there is a possibility of a Pence impeachment as well, and that would be fantastic.

Other than that lots is happening. I may go to a local drag show tonight, tomorrow I have ECT for the second day in a row, Saturday I’m going to a dance/karaoke event that Dean is throwing, and Monday I’m going to see Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds with a friend.

Fall is always busier than summer, and I like it that way.

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I actually feel much better today, so I can stop bitching for once. Aren’t the three people reading this relieved? Sure you are.

I have a mighty yen for Trump to be impeached. I don’t necessarily believe it’s going to happen, but damn, do I wish it would be so. Someone needs to take that orange mofo down a few thousand notches and land him in a particularly dour gutter.

What else is happening? Oh, not much, other than preparation of ketogenic meals. This morning’s offering is ground beef with hot sauce and pepper jack cheese. Caliente!

I’m also gearing up for a treadmill workout since for once this month I don’t feel like shit. Destination skinny ass, here I come. Watch out.

Double Ugh.

Not to dissuade anyone who might be considering it, but this ECT crap had better work. I had better come out of ECT with the most pristine mental health imaginable, because I feel like unimaginable crap.

I went this morning, and today I had the worst migraine I have ever had in my life, and believe me, I have had some intense migraines. I have also been thoroughly nauseous and have been unable to stop grinding my teeth, so my teeth hurt like a bitch.

I need this – I know that, but it really, really sucks out loud. I saw the neurologist today afterwards and he confirmed that yes, it does suck; but that it should be worth it in the long run. Here’s hoping.

I spent the rest of the day resting with a rubber mouth guard in and relaxing.

Yesterday I started a strict ketogenic diet, due to the fact that I’ve gained quite a bit of weight during the last year and a half. While keto is a pain to adhere to, it does work exceptionally well; so I’m looking forward to the upcoming weight loss.

Tonight I’m going to nurse my sore head and cook up some keto-friendly meat. Good times!

I have an opportunity to foster a cat and her very young kittens until they’re old enough to wean. I think I’m going to do it. As far as I’m concerned there can never be too many kittens around. I’m definitely excited about that.

Onward, baby kittens and a clean bill of mental health! Let’s rock and roll.


Here I am with some outrageous eyebrows.

I feel like total crap. I blew off ECT yesterday due to horrible headaches and nausea. On Wednesday, the doctor gave me Toradol and Zofran in my IV to help combat these issues, but by Thursday I started feeling crappy again. Friday morning I almost passed out in the shower, so I opted to stay home, where I slept all day and all night.

I will return on Monday and am asking for a prescription for those meds. I guess those issues are common during ECT.

All I can say is that this had better work.

I’m currently sitting on the porch listening to the vague expressway noise with Nixie on my lap, waiting for my coffee to brew and smoking a cigarette. I love these quiet/not quiet mornings – it feels like everyone else is still asleep. No one is running lawn equipment yet, no one is driving around, no kids are playing; only the dull hum of highway noise is audible. It’s very peaceful.

With that, I think I’ll go check on my coffee and relax a bit. Happy Saturday.


Napping post-workout with an untrimmed mouthguard to stop my relentless tooth grinding.

Oh, Father.

I briefly got into it via text with my dad last night about politics. He is a staunch Republican and gun nut, and I am a staunch Dem, and many a fun family fight has been borne through our division.

He sent a series of shitty anti-Democrat memes to my e-mail, stuff about guns and Maxine Waters and immigrants; and I responded by saying that he should be glad that he raised a compassionate daughter that actually cared about the human race, and it just went downhill from there.

Thankfully we closed the argument by saying that we loved each other and that our experiences had shaped our world views, and we left it at that; but my Trump-touting father still makes my heart hurt.

I really can’t stand Trump, or many of his disciples. I think he’s a dangerous man, and what he preaches is poisonous. I wish that my dad had not jumped on board his particular train.

In other news, I feel pretty good this morning. After some coffee I’m going to hit the treadmill.