I just got back from the gym. I both love and hate the gym.
I love the gym because there is such a diverse array of bodies in motion and it’s interesting to watch. On the Stairmaster is a lovely Latina woman in peak physical condition smoothly climbing to nowhere. On the elliptical is a heavy white woman churning her arms and legs furiously to the beat of the music. On the treadmill is a thin Black man running with a look of grim determination. They all inspire me.
I love the music at the gym. To use a current slang term, it slaps.
I love working out because although it is often painful, it feels good and necessary. My shoulder and pretty much everything above the waist still ache, so I am relegated to the recumbent bike, leg weights, very isolated ab exercises, and the treadmill for the time being. I’m slowly gaining momentum.
I hate the gym because I do have a shit body image and I do tend to compare myself to those lovely diverse people who are working so hard and look so great. I can’t help but look at my sweaty, red face or protruding abdomen in the enormous, floor-to-ceiling mirror and think, My God, Monstrous.
It’s very hard not to listen to the running commentary in my head that squalls, “YOU used to be that thin,” or “YOU are not working that hard”.
I am there, I am doing what I can, and no amount of self-flagellation is going to help me.
No amount of iced coffee runs after the gym are going to help me either, though. Heh.
*sips Dunkin‘ Donuts frozen vanilla chai latte*
Do you go to the gym? What’s your favorite thing to do there? Hit me up in the comments.