Not Just Your Garden-Variety Neurotic Smartass.


I’m not going to lie – I’ve been going through a really bad depressive period.

I haven’t been on any social media for a while, and I’m not talking to any friends, which is evident by my thousand unread texts. I just can’t do it. I feel like I have nothing to say.

I’ve been waking up early and napping for roughly seven hours a day before going to bed early. I feel drained and exhausted all the time. My house is a disaster area and I just can’t find the motivation or energy to clean it.

The state of the world affects me deeply, and my own life is not without many challenges, both medical and psychiatric. It feels as overwhelming as a burning summer sun.

I just wish things were different, as do probably millions of people, but I feel like I’ve lost any hope for the future. I look back on the twenty years I’ve been on disability, and I haven’t accomplished anything except getting fat. I don’t know what to do.

My current meds aren’t working anymore, and I have such a high tolerance that I wonder if anything would work. It feels hopeless.

I just wish things were different. I don’t know. I’m going back to bed.

2 thoughts on Lethargy.

  1. Hi Jen. You have every right to feel depressed because the world is very scary right now. I do think it will get better, We just have to wait it out. I know that sounds trite but I think it’s true. It sounds like you need new meds. If you’re going through a depressive period, without meds to help, then everything will probably look hopeless, even if it’s not. My problem is anxiety and somedays I want to crawl Under the bed and hide out all day. Anyway here’s what I suggest.
    – Force yourself to get up, shower, and eat something.
    – Make an appointment with your Doc and see what he/she can prescribe for you
    – Pick a friend that you trust and can talk to. Call them and just talk.
    – As for not accomplishing anything in 20 years, I think you raised a pretty terrific kid. But once you see your doctor and get meds and feel better maybe it’s time to set a goal. I don’t know if it’s the programming you mentioned before. Or something new. Think about it and pick something when you’re ready.

    The problem with the pandemic shitstorm is that we’re all pretty isolated. We have to find different ways to connect. The main point is you are not alone and there IS hope. There are people who love you. You’re depressed and maybe can’t see that. But it’s true. You are also blessed with good friends.

    As far as connecting when we’re social distancing, a couple of my friends use Zoom to talk with their families. I haven’t used it yet but it’s supposedly like Skype but better. You can have a bunch of people connected on your computer and you can see each other and talk. It’s free. Maybe that’s something you could try with your friends when you feel better. Maybe have a kareoke Zoom get together 🙂

    Sorry this is so long. Hang in there, talk to your doctor, and get new meds. Then you can figure out what you want to do next.

    Hang in there, Jen.


Add Your Comment

* Indicates Required Field

Your email address will not be published.