I’m not going to lie – I’ve been going through a really bad depressive period.
I haven’t been on any social media for a while, and I’m not talking to any friends, which is evident by my thousand unread texts. I just can’t do it. I feel like I have nothing to say.
I’ve been waking up early and napping for roughly seven hours a day before going to bed early. I feel drained and exhausted all the time. My house is a disaster area and I just can’t find the motivation or energy to clean it.
The state of the world affects me deeply, and my own life is not without many challenges, both medical and psychiatric. It feels as overwhelming as a burning summer sun.
I just wish things were different, as do probably millions of people, but I feel like I’ve lost any hope for the future. I look back on the twenty years I’ve been on disability, and I haven’t accomplished anything except getting fat. I don’t know what to do.
My current meds aren’t working anymore, and I have such a high tolerance that I wonder if anything would work. It feels hopeless.
I just wish things were different. I don’t know. I’m going back to bed.