Not Just Your Garden-Variety Neurotic Smartass.

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Yasssss.

I actually feel much better today, so I can stop bitching for once. Aren’t the three people reading this relieved? Sure you are.

I have a mighty yen for Trump to be impeached. I don’t necessarily believe it’s going to happen, but damn, do I wish it would be so. Someone needs to take that orange mofo down a few thousand notches and land him in a particularly dour gutter.

What else is happening? Oh, not much, other than preparation of ketogenic meals. This morning’s offering is ground beef with hot sauce and pepper jack cheese. Caliente!

I’m also gearing up for a treadmill workout since for once this month I don’t feel like shit. Destination skinny ass, here I come. Watch out.

Double Ugh.

Not to dissuade anyone who might be considering it, but this ECT crap had better work. I had better come out of ECT with the most pristine mental health imaginable, because I feel like unimaginable crap.

I went this morning, and today I had the worst migraine I have ever had in my life, and believe me, I have had some intense migraines. I have also been thoroughly nauseous and have been unable to stop grinding my teeth, so my teeth hurt like a bitch.

I need this – I know that, but it really, really sucks out loud. I saw the neurologist today afterwards and he confirmed that yes, it does suck; but that it should be worth it in the long run. Here’s hoping.

I spent the rest of the day resting with a rubber mouth guard in and relaxing.

Yesterday I started a strict ketogenic diet, due to the fact that I’ve gained quite a bit of weight during the last year and a half. While keto is a pain to adhere to, it does work exceptionally well; so I’m looking forward to the upcoming weight loss.

Tonight I’m going to nurse my sore head and cook up some keto-friendly meat. Good times!

I have an opportunity to foster a cat and her very young kittens until they’re old enough to wean. I think I’m going to do it. As far as I’m concerned there can never be too many kittens around. I’m definitely excited about that.

Onward, baby kittens and a clean bill of mental health! Let’s rock and roll.

Ugh.

Here I am with some outrageous eyebrows.

I feel like total crap. I blew off ECT yesterday due to horrible headaches and nausea. On Wednesday, the doctor gave me Toradol and Zofran in my IV to help combat these issues, but by Thursday I started feeling crappy again. Friday morning I almost passed out in the shower, so I opted to stay home, where I slept all day and all night.

I will return on Monday and am asking for a prescription for those meds. I guess those issues are common during ECT.

All I can say is that this had better work.

I’m currently sitting on the porch listening to the vague expressway noise with Nixie on my lap, waiting for my coffee to brew and smoking a cigarette. I love these quiet/not quiet mornings – it feels like everyone else is still asleep. No one is running lawn equipment yet, no one is driving around, no kids are playing; only the dull hum of highway noise is audible. It’s very peaceful.

With that, I think I’ll go check on my coffee and relax a bit. Happy Saturday.

Sloth.

Napping post-workout with an untrimmed mouthguard to stop my relentless tooth grinding.

Oh, Father.

I briefly got into it via text with my dad last night about politics. He is a staunch Republican and gun nut, and I am a staunch Dem, and many a fun family fight has been borne through our division.

He sent a series of shitty anti-Democrat memes to my e-mail, stuff about guns and Maxine Waters and immigrants; and I responded by saying that he should be glad that he raised a compassionate daughter that actually cared about the human race, and it just went downhill from there.

Thankfully we closed the argument by saying that we loved each other and that our experiences had shaped our world views, and we left it at that; but my Trump-touting father still makes my heart hurt.

I really can’t stand Trump, or many of his disciples. I think he’s a dangerous man, and what he preaches is poisonous. I wish that my dad had not jumped on board his particular train.

In other news, I feel pretty good this morning. After some coffee I’m going to hit the treadmill.

Good Morning.

https://trancejen.me/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/8272D98E-7973-4E00-A28F-13502A3FCD4D.jpeg

I got this giant mum from Costco and it’s just starting to bloom. It looks gorgeous on my front steps.

I just got back from ECT. Today they put Toradol and Zofran in my IV because I’ve been getting headaches and have been really nauseous. So far it’s helping.

I’m really grateful to Dean for schlepping me back and forth to treatment, and today my mom picked me up because he had to work early. It’s great to have people to depend on.

I plan to rest throughout most of the day, and then get my kitchen cleaned up and do some laundry. I’m planning on starting a diet today because I am seriously out of control with food. Right now I weigh about 220 pounds, which is ridiculous for my small 5’10 frame. I’ve been eating with wild abandon, and that has to stop. There’s a treadmill in my back bedroom that’s been absolutely stagnant, and I’m going to spend at least a half an hour per day on that as well. It’s time to get moving. I’m too old to expect to have a stellar metabolism without exercise.

With that, I’m off like a prom dress.

Overwhelming Sense of Ick.

Yesterday’s ECT was rough. I woke up quickly, felt OK to go out to breakfast with my dad afterwards, and had a conversation with Jasmine when I got home, but I had crazy memory loss and a throbbing headache at the base of my skull that was so bad I wound up going to bed at four o’clock in the afternoon.

They seem to be getting worse every time, and I sincerely hope that this trend will not continue.

I do feel marginally better today, though, so hopefully it’s just treatment days that I’m going to feel like crap.

One thing I’m truly grateful for is that Dean and my family have volunteered to drive me at 6:30 in the morning three days per week. My dad was off yesterday so he took me, my mom is taking me tomorrow, and even though Dean works 2-2s he has no problem waking up at 6 to head over to the hospital in East Chicago. That’s one hell of a good friend.

The nurses on the same-day surgery unit (ECT is considered same-day surgery) are fantastic, too. They’re all very kind and pleasant to be around.

So far this has been pretty good except for the physical side effects.

In other news, I need to think of a badass Halloween costume. Jasmine and her boyfriend are dressing up as Daphne and Fred because our dog looks like Scooby Doo. Shaggy, perhaps? Heh.

I also need to go on a diet, because I have been absolutely pigging out and am roughly the size of a land yacht. There is nothing I hate more than measuring food.

On that note, off I go to drink the coffee.

Moo.

I seriously need to quit shoving food into my gaping maw, because even my fat jeans are ridiculously tight on me at this point.

With ECT taking place three mornings a week, I’m exhausted and the gym isn’t happening; so I strongly need to cut back on my caloric intake along with my activity level.

It’s rough trying to eat healthy. I am not naturally a salad eatin’ bitch, and I fell off the keto wagon in a rather spectacular fashion. Last night I ate an entire medium pizza from one of the area’s finest places, crust and all, and then felt like absolute crap.

My stomach looms large, and I’ve got to chill. I don’t want to swing too far the other way and veer back into eating disorder territory, but there must be some balance to be found.

I guess what stumps me is that throughout my life I have only ever eaten too much or too little. I have absolutely no clue what a normal meal plan is. This is something I need to research.

I probably could cut back on my beer intake, too, if I’m being honest. I really don’t need to drink beer three nights per week. That’s just excessive empty calories and carbs.

I’m watching my very tiny neighbor get something out of her trunk and I want to yell, “Hey, WHAT DO YOU EAT?”

She probably would think I’m insane. KNOW I’m insane. Heh.

Small people? Lend me your eating habits.

Relief.

I’m feeling better this afternoon. This morning I had intense brain fog, was tired, and felt inordinately shitty; but that seems to have lifted, thank god.

I’m concerned that with each consecutive treatment these feelings are going to worsen, but I’m sure that the end result will be worth it. Again, a ninety percent success rate can’t be wrong.

I’ve had to delete my family members from my Facebook since I link to this site from there, and my mom was very concerned about my airing “dirty laundry”. I personally believe that it’s my dirty laundry to air, so on I go.

If I were spilling my mom’s dark secrets, it would be another matter.

I’m pretty much an open book. I think that life’s too short not to be honest with both yourself and others. Maybe I do it on a public platform, but I’m a writer. I write.

Signing off, your favorite oversharer.