Not Just Your Garden-Variety Neurotic Smartass.

Running, Running.

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that my healthy, happy father is gone. His birthday is next week and I feel a strong urge to shop for it.

It’s just unfathomable, and it’s so unfair.

I have tons and tons to do. I am now a landlord. I have rent to collect and things to fix. I have to open up new accounts. I have to pay bills for the house. I have to pay insurance on his vehicles. I have to look into insurance policies and investments. These are things I never really thought about before, because I thought my dad would live at least another twenty years.

It makes no sense.

Last night I rage punched a wall. It was dumb, and my hand hurts like hell, but for a moment I felt better.

I feel stressed out and tense all the time. I feel hopelessly sad and angry. We have a cat that won’t stop howling and I am terribly impatient with her. I am not doing well.

I have a virtual therapist appointment today, and I hope that it will help.

I will be at my dad’s, going through a seemingly endless array of files, looking for answers.

Wish me luck.


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