Not Just Your Garden-Variety Neurotic Smartass.

That Time I Got Busted For (Not) Selling Drugs.

I went to a high school that had open lunch, which meant that we as kids could just leave and go to any of the fast food places around to eat. My friends and I favored the local Burger King, where we could annoy the employees and eat cheeseburgers that would not yet gravitate to our then-slim thighs.

One fateful day during my senior year, I forgot to bring my prom money to school. My boyfriend went to a different high school, so I’d had the money for the tickets at home. My mom kindly offered to bring it to me at lunch, so I waited for her in the Burger King parking lot.

When she arrived, she handed me the cash through her open car window and I pocketed it; and the next thing I knew, two cops were in my face, asking what had just transpired.

I’m not saying that drug deals never went down in the Burger King parking lot; but if you saw my tiny, blonde mother, you might realize that she was an unlikely suspect.

We explained what had happened, and the cops both looked at us suspiciously. Surrrrre the money was for prom tickets! You’re both WEED SNORTERS! I was trying to hold back hysterical laughter while still taking into consideration my mom’s obvious panic and the crowd of kids that had formed watching Jen Trance and her mom get interrogated.

Finally, they let us go, still looking unsure as to whether we were dealing crank, and my mom sped off.

Sadly, justice was not served, and I wound up snorting lines off my hand in the bathroom – lines of the fine, fine, Colombian cocaine that my mother had delivered to me in the Burger King parking lot. For sure.

Have a happy Wednesday.

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