Not Just Your Garden-Variety Neurotic Smartass.


I start ECT early Monday morning.

I have mixed feelings about this. I’m moderately afraid because I know there will be some memory loss, and even more muscle aches than I currently have (which are a lot) for a couple of months. I’m afraid that I will forget to shower or eat or take meds or feed the cats or put cigarettes out.

At the same time, I know that this is very necessary, and I know that it’s time. I feel a strong sense of relief, because now there is an end in sight to my crushing depression.

Yesterday I only got out of bed to pee, smoke, and eat a little. Generally I work very hard at putting up a good front, but it’s exhausting, and when I’m at home I just don’t have the energy for it.

I’ll be back in a while, when my mind is better. Much love.

2 thoughts on Zap.

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